Lizards in the Leaves

Rustlings in the green....imagination, art, whimsy

Sep 18, 2007

Eighteen Months Since....

Graffiti Memorial to Patrick, on the 1-year anniversary (very out-of-the-way railroad overpass pillar)

Today marks eighteen months since we lost our Patrick. I try not to write a lot here about my grief, but I must occasionally. There are still tears every single day. Some days the tears are brief and pass quickly. Other days I still give way to wrenching sobs. I try to just be present with my feelings and allow them to flow through.

Not an hour goes by without a thought of him....but I realized awhile back that I probably have a thought of every one of my children every hour. It's just that a thought of Patrick is accompanied by so much poignancy.

Just a little bit ago, I found myself, every cell of my being it seemed, gripped with a longing to hug him.

So....we go on, cherishing sweet memories, trying to make peace with the awful ones--though even those I do not want to let go. I have to remember everything.

Paul and I light the virtual candles for Patrick every single day and hold him always in the heart of our hearts, surrounded by love and light.

I want to thank all of you for your empathy, the kind thoughts that you send my way.
It means a great deal and it comforts.


At 9/18/07, 9:06 AM, Blogger gilfling said...

Zann - I just discovered your blog a short while and have only now read your story and that of you son. I have tears running down my face - the poems you have written have just woven their way into my heart. I don't know what else to say but thank you. My thoughts are with you.

At 9/19/07, 1:26 AM, Blogger maitrilibellule said...

Zann Honey,

I am so touched every time I read about your beloved Patrick and am stunned all over again thinking of the terrible loss of a child. You need to share to help process and I am honored to be here to listen. I love that you and your husband light candles, for as he is never out of your heart, I truly believe he is always close by in spirit and basks in the glow of the candlelight. A time of love shared from both sides.

Blessings and love to both you and your husband on this sad anniversary, but truly a celebration of Patrick's life.

Love and heartfelt wishes,



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