No. 11 my life in terms of fat

my life in terms of fat

goes like this:
once i was
skinny skinny
skinny

and anxious
just a slim raw
nerve
of a girlwoman

smoking & writing

not an ounce of fat
full of wasps
and angst

and then i met
a good eccentric man
who could
love eccentric me
and
had two more
babies

stopped smoking
& writing

and was plump
and round
and happy

full of gnomes
and fairy
workers

but full, too,
of longing
for something
ididnotknowwhat

and now
i’m fat
and sad

full of angels
and grief

and know my old longing
was for creating
things

and i do
oh i do.

but now,
fat and sad

i’m full of a longing
for something else
that can
neverever be--

a little
bit of the sad
is because
i’m fat.
a little
bit of the fat
is because
i’m sad.

--Zann Carter 04.11.09