New Year's Invitations 2014

This is what I'm doing today, sending invitations to that which I want in my life in 2014.

I'm inviting many of the same things this year as I did last.  Most of them came to the party, although the party of the year 2013 was definitely not as joyful or big or lively as I'd planned. In fact, much of it was filled with sadness, anxiety, frustration, despair.

 In June, my brother became critically ill, had a major stroke in ICU on top of septic shock and, at 59, is in a nursing home facing huge challenges and hurdles. He was already disabled, unemployed, poor, going to school to try to learn something he could make a small living doing. He was living on student loans. Now what little he had is gone, the whole fabric of the little life he was creating for himself, shredded. I am hundreds of miles away.  I wrestle again with the issue of suffering, of how we manage to engage with joy in our own lives when someone we love is struggling, suffering, losing so much.

I do not know The Answer. I just keep juggling, reframing, centering myself. And I pray a lot.  I keep a lot inside - so it might surprise people to know just how much pain I am in - on a daily basis - over my brother's situation and my inability to do anything to change it significantly.

The other issues I faced in 2013 are insignificant by comparison with what happened to my brother. I'll save my frustration for my private journal, though I know sometimes that others find it useful to see their own frustrations are not unique, but shared.

I'll just say that I struggle with the way I use (or don't use) my time. I should have a lot more to show for the year's work than I do.

So. Breathing deeply.  One thing I rarely lose: Hope. Capital-H Hope. And I am embracing this day as a day of quiet ritual, of active, moving affirmations devoted to the things I want in my life.

meditation
writing
fiber art
functional space (making this is what I do instead of 'decluttering')
clean hair
clean diet
tarot
drumming
tai chi, lots of movement
self-care simplified

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Lately, I have been knitting these LOOOOOOONNNNNNG scarves.

Not as long as any of the Dr. Who scarves, but perhaps 7 feet. Haven't measured yet. Garter stitch, big needles, cotton & silk-rich Noro yarns . A little stockinette here and there to break up the garter. But utterly simple knitting overall.  I won't say I meditate the whole time I am knitting these, but often enough that I am coming to think of them as my meditation.

And I am loving wearing the long scarf, the  smooshiness of the big stitches, the generous wrap of beautiful fibers at my neck, the insouciant long swath of colors dangling down my body. Sounds like I'm writing an etsy description and I just may - may- have a shop opened this year. We shall see.

Meanwhile, I am just knitting right now. Thinking long thoughts. Meditating.
Inviting a few good things to a small party.

)O( 

 bright blessings of the new year + new moon