My Spirit Mutt Clover

Such a sad post to write, but until I write it here I won't be able to write anything else here unless I do. The joy of all the wonderful things that have blessed me recently has been tempered by this.

My beloved dog-being friend Clover has been diagnosed with osteosarcoma, bone cancer. And it has begun to spread into her lungs. And...that's that.  We are in hospice mode here: taking each day as it comes, being present with her, hoping to keep her as comfortable as possible until we must do the hard, compassionate thing and let her go. Months, maybe.

Right now you'd almost not know she was sick, though. Both times I've been to the vet's office, people thought she was a very young dog, were astonished to know she is 12.  The lump on her back leg, the 3-legged gait give it away that she's ill, but that vanishes when she's running around outside. She is still following me wherever I go, up and down the stairs, even though I try to make her stay when I'm just going up to make tea.  She's eating well. We've been told not to play fetch with her anymore, as there is risk of fracture in the leg, but otherwise, she can go as she pleases about the yard, take her late-night walks with Paul.

I've written about her over the years here (this is a nice post) but probably not enough to convey just how huge her presence is in my life. I am rarely in a room alone for more than 5 minutes. I've always thought of her attachment to me in terms of energy fields...that there is something that she wants/needs to have by being near mine.  And from her there emanates a great sense of contentment when she's nearby, and it radiates out to enfold me as well.  Symbiotic something, I think.

And she's been with me for everything sad and difficult I've endured over more than 11 years, all the loss and grief. And I can never stroke the very softest fur around her ears without feeling connected to Patrick - every morning, every morning, before school (no matter how late we might be running) he had to sit at one end of the sofa and spend some time petting Clover, and that softest fur spot.

She's brought so much joy, comfort and peace to this house.  I pray we'll be able to live up to her devotion, honor her with gratitude for all the blessings of her sweet presence with us over her very healthy lifetime, and do the very best things for her now.