Clover 1998-08/04/2011

Yesterday we helped our beloved Clover out of this life and into the next.

 It was wrenchingly sad and achingly beautiful. As if Mother Nature were bestowing mercy and welcoming our sweet dog friend into Spirit, there was a break in the terrible heat of these days and a gentle breeze.

 So we were able to take her outside,in the shade of the tree she danced around hundreds of times, to allow her to die mercifully seeing blue, blue sky and our loving eyes,  with the wind in the leaves and the sounds of squirrels and birds. As the initial sedative took effect, and we told her good-bye and how much we loved her, she burrowed her head into the crook of my arm, stared right into my eyes. and I saw....love, gratitude, consolation.

Now she’s everywhere in the house and nowhere in the house and we miss her as we miss any beloved.

My task right now: to remember that Clover’s whole being vibrated with the frequency of Joy. What will most honor her spirit and our deep, deep soul connection, is for me to tune myself to that vibration.
I’m trying. I’m trying.

We spent our last hours together in the peace of my spiritual room. Paul came in regularly to talk to her, give her a treat. She dozed peacefully and I prayed, meditated, knitted and drew some Tarot cards.  I said good-bye to her and blessed her in many ways.

Someone called her my “spirit mutt” when she first arrived.

And so she was and is.  Paul, too, is deeply bonded to her, she was his midnight walking companion, Cheerio chaser. And for both us, Clover was always there, comforting as we went through years of losing loved ones.


May the Goddess guard her.
May she find her way to the Summerland.
May we carry for the rest of our lives the joyful spirit she so freely shared.
May we know deep peace in the Great Mystery.





Merry meet, Clover, and merry part and merry meet again.

My Spirit Mutt Clover

Such a sad post to write, but until I write it here I won't be able to write anything else here unless I do. The joy of all the wonderful things that have blessed me recently has been tempered by this.

My beloved dog-being friend Clover has been diagnosed with osteosarcoma, bone cancer. And it has begun to spread into her lungs. And...that's that.  We are in hospice mode here: taking each day as it comes, being present with her, hoping to keep her as comfortable as possible until we must do the hard, compassionate thing and let her go. Months, maybe.

Right now you'd almost not know she was sick, though. Both times I've been to the vet's office, people thought she was a very young dog, were astonished to know she is 12.  The lump on her back leg, the 3-legged gait give it away that she's ill, but that vanishes when she's running around outside. She is still following me wherever I go, up and down the stairs, even though I try to make her stay when I'm just going up to make tea.  She's eating well. We've been told not to play fetch with her anymore, as there is risk of fracture in the leg, but otherwise, she can go as she pleases about the yard, take her late-night walks with Paul.

I've written about her over the years here (this is a nice post) but probably not enough to convey just how huge her presence is in my life. I am rarely in a room alone for more than 5 minutes. I've always thought of her attachment to me in terms of energy fields...that there is something that she wants/needs to have by being near mine.  And from her there emanates a great sense of contentment when she's nearby, and it radiates out to enfold me as well.  Symbiotic something, I think.

And she's been with me for everything sad and difficult I've endured over more than 11 years, all the loss and grief. And I can never stroke the very softest fur around her ears without feeling connected to Patrick - every morning, every morning, before school (no matter how late we might be running) he had to sit at one end of the sofa and spend some time petting Clover, and that softest fur spot.

She's brought so much joy, comfort and peace to this house.  I pray we'll be able to live up to her devotion, honor her with gratitude for all the blessings of her sweet presence with us over her very healthy lifetime, and do the very best things for her now.