Two Years Since....
This second anniversary of Patrick's death has been far more difficult than I expected, for both Paul and me.
Perhaps because of my mother's recent death, perhaps because that first anniversary was almost looked forward to....I think we have this notion of a Mourning Year that gives us a sense that something has been completed, that things will get better after that year, that healing can truly begin.
and they do. and it does.
the second anniversary has come around and brought with it intense memories, feelings, sensations of that terrible, awful weekend and the stunning days following.
I've been unable to write much about Patrick, and I've been unable to think complete thoughts about him. It's just images, phrases, bits and pieces of feeling that are weaving in and out of the days and nights lately. And I don't seem to have the....will or energy... to direct them into anything coherent.
Paul wrote this year. Better than I've been able to write.
"Monday, March 17, 2008
For Patty, on a Special Day
Hello Patty. Today I miss you worse than ever, but at the same time I feel your presence, your energy, even more than usual. Still living between your nightmares, even creating a few new ones on my own unfortunately. (It’s hard for the old man to deal with the energy sometimes, but so far the collateral damages have not been completely devastating mostly because of the kindness of those involved.)
Expect to have hope rekindled. Expect your prayers to be answered in wondrous ways. The dry seasons in life do not last. The spring rains will come again.
Sarah Ban Breathnach